Turns out I’m human. I have bad days just like everyone else, and today is one of those days.
I feel enormous and disgusting and unhealthy and downright unattractive.
I’m wearing a hoodie for the sole reason that it prevents me seeing my tummy rolls when I sit down.
I may yet visit both Pintos and Greggs during my lunch break. Because stuffing my face will stop me feeling like an elephant…
For 27 years (and counting) I’ve had one, finite model of beauty thrust at me as the only right way to be. For more years than not it was my core belief that not fitting into that model makes me ugly and unlovable. I was never going to break free of that overnight. It was always going to be a journey, and they are never straightforward.
Today there is no advice, epiphany, or ‘nuts to you, society’. I am human, and I am struggling.
Tomorrow is a new day, and I am determined to come up fighting. But if you need me, just for today, I’ll be over here hiding under my duvet so nobody can see me.