Slightly more cropped (ish)

I’ve heard it’s good to do things that scare you. In which case, this blog is amazing.

Here is my ‘working on the crop top thing’ outfit:

SAM_3156

Obviously not office-appropriate so I changed into it straight after work and headed to salsa, with my long coat on over the top. Because I didn’t want anyone to see me.

This plan would have worked, had Glasgow not decided that day would be the one day of actual summer it gives us each year. I managed to keep the coat on for about 10 minutes, then went for not-heat-stroke and took it off.

I thought walking up the stairs in Boteco was scary, but that was nothing compared to walking down a busy Glasgow street. By the time I reached the traffic lights across the road from salsa, I was physically shaking.

We have created such an iron rule about fat girls not showing their stomach. I had to constantly, consciously focus on keeping my arms down at my sides to stop them pulling the top down and skirt up to cover the gap. When I crossed the road (which obviously took up my attention) I got to the other side and realised I had adjusted them without even noticing. Covering my stomach was an automatic action I did without thinking – that’s how ingrained it is.

I was still trembling when I went in to salsa but at least I went in. It took a lot to overpower the voice in my head screaming at me to run away and hide my massive body under a duvet forever. Gotta love that voice.

Anyway. It was exactly the same process as last time I tried a cropped(ish) top: even though I started off hideously uncomfortable, by the end of class it just felt normal to have my midriff on display. And what with it being a warm day, I was rather glad of the extra ventilation.

I knew I had reached a milestone when a friend joined us and said she liked my dress, at which point I lifted my arms up to show a bit more skin and said “it’s a crop top!”.

SAM_3158

Boteco was fantastic. I never realised before how much I usually try to hide my body, and suck in any parts I can in an attempt to look smaller. There’s really no way to hide when it’s all on display like that. But instead of crippling me with shame like I expected it to, the exposure actually made me feel much more free.

I wonder what other things would be more fun if I stopped obssessing over my body and just enjoyed them…

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s